Because there's more to life.

I have the sweetest, most darling friends ever.

seriously the sweetest thing i've heard/read...in ages

Chris: i just realzied
how much
i want an outdoor
loving girl
hahah

Me: what do you mean?
one that's up for camping all the time?h
ahaha

Chris: nahh
like
shed be down
to go to mission peak
at 5 am with me
and enjoy it
stuff lke that
:]
and like
walks on a beach
and just
even things like
walking at a park
together
just talking
laughing together
smilingg
omg

Me: omg
that sounds
so beautiful
hahaha

Chris: doesnt that sound
yeah

Me: yeah

Chris: duddeee
haha

Me: mann
that sounds so ..
nice.

Chris: yeah
man
i hecka wann go
with
all my
girl
friends
like on
1v1s
and just chill and get to know them
even moree
Me: yeah..
alskdjf
that sounds lnice

Chris: yup
we should hang
1v1 sometime
itd be fun haha
like like
that day
you were close
to my house
i hecka wanted to
just walk around the neighborhood
alone with you
and just talk and stuff
but then the other kids yeah
and ur sister
Me: ):
mann, we should have haha

Chris: yeahh
itd raise too many questions though
thats the only thing i dont like
hecka people are instantly like
oo do they have a thing
oo they like each toher
blah blah

Me: yeah..
man
and that saying like
"oh, girls and boys can never be just friends"

Chris: yup
its true to a certain point
what do you mean
like
ive been through
so many of those
that i have to say
90% of the time
its true
you end up starting to like them
and stuff
but with church girls i think its diff
you just view them differently
like on a
literal sisterly level
like i view you as a sister
id love to have fun with
but at the same time kind of protective
and care a lot for

Me: i swear, that' sthe sweetest thing i've read like...
in a year
haha

Chris: hahaha
youre.. welcome?
:]
trust me if you were my gf
youd get sick
of my sweetness
itd get old
HAHA

mission peak
oovoo
grad
fair
mission peak2
beach
fair2
senior banquetnari's abusive relationship with me
parkk
summer retreat
santana row

ughh, i miss summer... :'(

Capricorn

Talked about astrology signs in AP Literature today because it was relevant to the new novel we were reading...so I decided to look up my sign. And...it's quite interesting...and very, very curious. Curiouser and curiouser!

Personality Traits of a Capricorn:

Good organizational skills
Neat & tidy
Practical
Realistic
Strong work ethic
Materialistic tendencies
Conventional
Respects authority
Egotism
Cruel taskmaster
Servility
Excessive perfectionism

Likes... :
Simple food
Antiques
History
Responsibility
Not being pressured
Unconditional love
Privacy
Elitism
Family

Dislikes... :
Untidiness
Disorder
Being teased
Familiarity
Surprises
New ideas & paths
Loneliness
Being useless
Public embarrasment

'I ATTAIN' is the motto for Capricorn. You're ambitious and want to be recognised for your success. You'll persevere until you've reached your goal, which is often of a material nature. You're serious, hard-working, disciplined and reserved and you want to build things that will last.
You have a strong sense of duty and are not afraid to shoulder responsibility. However you've also got a sensual side and like to let your hair down when the day's work is done. You also have a very dry sense of humour.
Your realism can turn to pessimism and your experience of life can make you cynical. You can also be inhibited and defensive.

The Bright Side
One of the Capricorn personality's most positive features is its sense of humour. This is something which often sustains Capricorn in its efforts to impose some order on the world, or wisely master its resources. Although the humour is likely to be dry, it does involve contact with other people (something that the self-contained Capricorn does not excel at). What the Capricorn personality is very good at is everything that others (excepts for Earth signs) find a little tedious. Capricorn is endlessly prudent, prudent, reliable, persevering and disciplined.

The Dark Side
Capricorns can be extremely rigid and pessimistic in their outlook; and gloomy and depressed (and depressing) in their interaction with other people. they can also be emotionally cold and inhibited. The prudent and cautious side of the Capricorn nature can be taken to extremes, too, sometimes into the unsociable realm of the miser.

You see that girl staring into space? If you were to ask what’s wrong, she would say nothing, when in reality it’s everything. She’s sitting there wondering what she did wrong, what she could have done differently, how she would have changed it if she had the chance. And if she had the chance to go back and do it over again, would it end with the same result? That’s why she stares.

Well-put

On Wednesday:

After complaining profusely about the indecency of the guys at our school, and how we don't view them as guys at all...

Denise: I feel like I'm going to an all-girls school.

hugs make me happyyyy.

especially ones from people who don't usually give out hugs to just anyone.

hehe

--edit--

"I love getting those hugs where both are using two arms not that one arm pity shit and when we both don't wanna let go of each other."

LOL

how true

Day Ten: one confession

The benefit concert today was a success! And oddly, I wasn't nervous at all when I played my solo...

So...here is the confession: something happened before I left the house today. Something entirely incidental, yet left me sobbing hopelessly in my room, and nearly made me skip the concert altogether.

I was really scared today.

I really wanted to kill myself because of it. But thinking about how much pain it would cause the people that loved me made me cry even more. Because I realized ______________. And as much as I wish I was selfish enough to be able to just do that, I'm not. Although I can be selfish, I'm not selfish enough to cause other people unnecessary grief.

So when I had dress rehearsal for my solo today...I was thinking about what had happened earlier, and tears started welling up in my eyes. Fortunately for me, none of the onlookers noticed. But perhaps the reason why I wasn't nervous was because of the fact I understood(?) the melancholy music because my emotions went into my playing as well.

-confession done.-

On an entirely different tangent--

I was overcome with fatigue over the last couple of days with school coinciding with my time-consuming rehearsals and whatnot, but overall...it was really worth it.

But...I just feel like something's missing. I can't quite place what it is that I'm missing, but something feels lost. I'm confused, because the concert ended well, reception was fun, and I left the church in good spirits, but now I'm...I don't know.

It frustrates me when I can't even understand what I'm feeling, let alone trying to explain it by writing..................................

What am I missing?

These days

my mind is replete with endless, earnest monologues.

And it's driving me insane

Day Nine: two smileys that describe your life right now.

1. :'(

2. and something to represent stress and extreme tiredness/fatigue

Day Eight: three turn ons.

1. smiles

2. having a genuinely sweet personality

3. humor

Day Seven: four turn offs.

1. People who show no respect to their parents, elders, and others.

2. Swearing profusely

3. Druggies / drinkers

4. Too skinny / too...voluminous

And basically extremes of anything is a turn-off

Day Six: five people who mean a lot.

Mom: Thank you for always being so steadfast, patient, and caring towards me...I can never wholly show my gratitude to you. I love you so much and I'm sorry that I'm one of the worst daughters any mother could ever have.

Dad: Same as what I said for mom, and additionally, thank you for always appeasing me and thank you again for always trying to relieve me of my stress.

Kristina: I care more about you than I actually show...

Diana: I don't hang out with you at school much, yet we remain close nevertheless. Thank you so much for taking me in when I don't have any other place to go...thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder, thank you for listening to my rants / confessions / random talks about life. I love you!

Nari: Thank you for being an understanding unni! (: Our conversations are the most enlightening, influential, and most profound for me. You're probably one of the few friends I'll keep even after college. I hope you stay the same forever and ever. I love you!!

--And of course, I can't forget my NVC senior class, my asian posse at school, and last, but not least, my orchestra friends.


My friends are the best, :))).

Day Five: six things I wish I’d never done.

1. Not doing things to my full potential

2. Hurting others with my words and actions, especially my family*

3. Wasting time doing unproductive things

4. Quitting ballet

5. Bringing myself down with negative thoughts*

6. Being friends with the wrong people*

Dear Me,

There's always highs in life, and there's even more lows

but what you have to remember is that

life isn't over

and you just gotta keep your head up,

smile,

and give it all you've got,

no matter how many times you fall down. :)))

And remember, there's so many people surrounding you that care about you and love you so much!

God has your life planned for you.

Love,

Me

epiphany...

The thing I realized is,

I feel the need to make other people happy that

what I'm ultimately doing is

making myself unhappy.

LOL

Best moment of the day:

Fitting into Iris's 3.5 size shoes for yoga today although i usually wear a size 7.5

Best quote of the day:

Thomas- DUDE, I can poop out something that looks better than her.

Day Four: seven things that cross my mind a lot.

1. What's God's purpose for me / what will I do in the future

2. What life would be like if I were a billionaire

3. If destiny is real*

4. Why some people seem to have it all*

5. Wishing I could read other people's minds

6. Wondering what death would be like

7. How splendid life would be if I were a wizard like Harry