Letters to Juliet

was such a cute movie.

Hello, Christopher Egan.
You are my new fiancee and you are absolutely adorable in the way you act, the way you smile...
at least, in the movie.

----
Ate lunch with a few of my friends I hadn't seen in a long time today...yaddayadda... had fun.
So went shopping today with my mom for a few hours during the afternoon, then went to go watch Letters to Juliet with Diana and Audrey around 4. Before the movie started, just window-shopped, walked around...
Movie started at 4:50, so insanely cute. Kept poking Diana about how cute "Charlie" aka Christopher Egan was.
"Not physically cute but the way he acts!" I kept exclaiming.
Diana and Audrey had to agree in the end.

Score so far-
Me 1 : Audrey 0 : Diana 0

Decided to walk back home, I switched my sandals for Audrey's Nikes since it hurt her feet. Apparently, Diana had worn the Nikes before to look "cool" [haha, just kidding. don't kill me] and it hurt her feet so she traded shoes with Audrey for Audrey's Keds. "Diana's a loser," said Audrey.

Score-
Me 1 : Audrey 1 : Diana 0

Walked to a nearby park not too far from home, sat on a bench, and "girl-talked" our way for well past an hour.

At the apex of our conversation, two little kids that looked like they were 10 along with an 8-or-so-year-old little girl biked / scootered along, and strung out an enormous number of profane words at us.

If it were an ideal world, God would have smote them down with lightning bolts.
But alas, it isn't, so we decided to just have extraordinary scenes (in our mind) of us beating those little kids to pulp.
And we yelled back at them. And tried to threaten them by saying we'd call the police. <- Our sadly obvious attempt to scare them failed.

And stopped the little girl that was on her scooter.
And asked for her age.
And felt slight sympathy when she said "Hey, at least you don't have to LIVE with him. I have to deal with that all the time."

We yelled at one of the boys to "learn some manners and stop teaching your little sister bad things" and the other to "stop swearing."

And we decided to go home.

Too tired to describe things in depth here.

Score-
Me googol : Audrey googol : Diana googol

Day 2 of being home alone.

I'm so lonely.
And I just burned one of my fingers trying to make oatmeal.

.......
To my beloved family:
Thanks for leaving me home alone to go on a camping trip without me.

This never gets old.

One of my favorite music videos sung by two of my favorite Korean girl bands.
Still heart-wrenching every time I watch it...

Stop crying.

Not romantic love,

but platonic love. Friendship.

And apparently, yesterday and today were days at my school where everyone lacked this, and everyone went home feeling bad.

I keep asking myself why people can't just be happy,

but I already know the answer.

This is life. And I was struck with the sudden epiphany just yesterday night that this is inherently perfect.

We constantly find ourselves pensively thinking, if God made this world, why didn't he get rid of pain, war, and other facets of life pertinent to suffering?

But the answer's right in front of us.

What would we able to do if there was no wrong to a right?

That everything was just how we, as humans, defined as "right"?

The fact is, it wouldn't. It wouldn't be right.

We wouldn't be satiated if everything was perfect. And if we're not satisfied, then our lives have intrinsically become imperfect.

Our perfection is not God's perfection. We've progressed so much that we've fooled ourselves into thinking we're just as intelligent, but we're not.

No matter how hard we try to make this world "right," we won't be able to. Because it's already perfect as it is, with an equal balance of everything.

I'm aware of the fact I'm rambling and going in circles and even though I can't possibly convey all my thoughts here, (for every word that I type, I'm actually forgetting some of my thoughts by the second) this just makes sense to me. And I just want to put a piece of me here for myself to look back upon and maybe expand on it more when I'm suddenly struck with some wisdom. Whenever that will be.

Haven't felt this depressed and shitty for actually quite a while now.

The renowned axiom is: what goes up must come down.

Last week was great, the beginning of this week was great...and now it's all just falling apart.

Guess it's my downtime.

Best advice I've ever read.

speech and debate class humor no. 2

Adam: Haha, just kidding. I wouldn't hit a girl.

Me: Good.

Adam: That's Spencer's job!

Me: Spencer hits girls?

Spencer: I don't hit girls. I teach them a lesson.

Adam: That's how he keeps his pimp hands strong.

ap biology class humor (aka hating on kevin for the 9237489327th time this year)

Jennifer: ACHOO

Me: Bless you.

Jennifer: ACHOO

Me: Bless you times two! :)

Jennifer: Thank youuu! :)

Kevin: Bless your soul, Jennifer :).

Jennifer: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

speech and debate class humor

Randy: When I heard your voice on the speaker this morning, I threw up a little inside my mouth.

Sam: Every time I hear your voice I throw up inside my mouth. And I get an urge to kill.

Randy: Well, when my English teacher heard your voice this morning, she got a kitten from her drawer and she stabbed it.

Sam: ...

gg.

As worn and overused as it sounds, I used to always pray when all hope was lost, and depression had wholly overcome me.

But nowadays I fight through my struggles, content with the mere fact that God's right next to me,

and I pray to give thanks.

I haven't felt so happy in ages.

awkward

Me: Uh, hi...is _ here?

Stranger: Nope, but I can turn that in for you.

Me: Oh, okay! Thank you...

Stranger: Sure, no problem.

Me: Wait, what's your name?

Stranger: Jelaskdfj.

Me: Justin?

Stranger: Jleskjfld.

Me: Jason?

Stranger: Jesse.

Me: OH. Jesse. Sorry. I had my earphone in...so...

...sigh.

우린 서둘러야해 미련 난 못 느껴
아쉬운건 오히려 너일테니까
긴장 속에서 황홀한 여유를 느껴 난
Wake up 게임은 내가 이긴걸

Hey pretty boy 넌 어딘가 부족해
아무런 매력없이 예쁘장하기만해
Hey pretty boy 넌 조금 더 노력해
좀 더 남자답게 좀 더 개성있게
널 바바바바꿔봐

...

자신감은 좋아 넌 떳떳해
근데 어딘가 가벼워 따분해
강한 매력 제발 보여봐

-2ne1

Hey, you.

This morning was by far the most annoying in my recollection of shocking mornings.

Johnny and I were taken aback by the rudeness of the most snobby two Caucasian ladies we had ever met in our entire lives.

One of the women was in her mid thirties, with her more or less 8-year-old daughter, and the other woman was the mother of the former, about 60-years-old.

Johnny and I were volunteering in the gift shop when this family arrived, and after a few minutes of dawdling here and there, they finally brought some items for us to ring up. As I offered my hand to take the items she wanted to purchase, the lady in her mid-thirties dropped an open, half-eaten Lifesavers candy roll into my hand, and loudly sucked on the Lifesavers she was eating. As I gave her change and her opened Lifesavers roll back to her, she picked out two Lifesavers from the open roll and put them in her 8-year-old daughter's hand, saying in a ratty voice, "Here. Have this purple and yellow one. I don't like those."

I didn't dare look up at the mother's face, in fear that I might scoff at her for the astounding immaturity I had just witnessed.

The 60-year-old woman was up next, and my passing thought was if she was just as well-mannered as her 30-year-old daughter. (Harhar.)

The woman handed me the items she wanted to purchase: a flower vase, card, and a stuffed teddy bear that sang songs when a button was pushed.

"This bear isn't working. Do you guys have batteries for this?" she asked.

Johnny quickly escorted her to the other side of the room, where the packs of batteries were stored.

"Uhhh, is it possible to open this teddy bear up and stick those batteries in to see if it works?" the woman pressed.

Johnny replied, "Oh, uh...okay. But we kind of need a screwdriver to open the battery compartment on the bottom of this bear..."

I offered to find a screwdriver, and went in the back room to look for one. I managed to find two screwdrivers, but they were not the cross-head screwdrivers that were necessary to open the battery compartment on the bottom of the bear.

Johnny spent about 20 minutes trying to open the bottom of the bear with the useless tools, and since I figured we had already wasted so much time as other guests were in line, I returned the bear back to her, saying that we couldn't open it up without the right tools.

In a rude voice she retorted, "Do you mean to say that even if new batteries were put in, this bear wouldn't work?"

I stared back at her, wondering if this world was full of idiots after all. I replied politely, "Um...no, I didn't say that. I just meant that we can't open up the compartment since we don't have the necessary screwdriver to open that up..."

Ignoring my response, she tried to unscrew the bolt with her acrylics. At this point, Johnny and I just blatantly stared at her. Did she honestly think she could open that up with the thick acrylics on her nails? I suppressed my laughter. Meanwhile, the 60-year-old woman's daughter and her granddaughter were perusing through the rest of the shop.

The 60-year-old woman sighed loudly in frustration. I meekly offered to try once more, and she handed back the teddy bear. By this time, another 10 minutes had gone by. I gave the teddy bear back to Johnny, and after another couple minutes went by, he managed to open the compartment with a pair of scissors. "Can you open up the batteries and put the new ones in there?" she asked. Johnny opened up the new package of batteries and put it in the bear. He pressed a button and to our relief, the bear sang its song. "Okay," the woman said. "I want that."

As I searched for the price tag on the bear, the woman quickly stated, "It's four dollars." I opened up the tag on the bear, which read $36. I told her so, and she pointed at a sticker that was barely hanging on the bear's bottom. I replied to her saying that since the bear had been among the other dolls, the sticker might have been accidentally transferred to the bottom of the bear. "Oh," the woman said. "Fine then. I don't want it anymore."

I held back a scream. "Oh, okay," I said.

"I don't want the batteries either," she said with an air of contempt.

At that moment, I wanted to punch the next thing that moved. Johnny at this point just stared at the woman as well. I wouldn't have been angry if they had said a quick sorry for all the inconvenience, but they clearly had no notion of doing so.

Ingrates.

I quickly rang up the flower vase and the card, and the family walked out.

Johnny looked over at me with the teddy bear in his hands, and the opened battery package that had also been part of the shop's merchandise. "Dude, what do I do with this...should I get _?"

I nodded that he should, and Johnny went to get the man that could fix up the mess.

Johnny arrived a few minutes later, and _ told us that "some people can act like beezys, but just let them be, and just ignore them."

I thought my day couldn't get any better until Johnny told me after _ had left, "Dude. You know that 30-year-old woman? Before we went into the store, she came up to me and _ and said, 'That girl in that store shouldn't be working there. She didn't want to help us.'"

After I heard that, I died a little inside.

"Don't worry... like _ said, just ignore people like that, and don't let them get to you," Johnny said, trying to console me.

JOHNNY, WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT YOU :'(.

Some people in this world are so damn obnoxious.

Just had an unplanned outing with the poopstinch, initiated by his text asking me what I was doing and, of course, thanks to my mundane life, I had no schedule today.

Told me there was "a hella sick road" and took me to the top of Mount Diablo-- the view was seriously breathtaking.

He told me he had gone up that mountain with only his family numerous times, and that it was one of his favorite places.

I never really had a heart-to-heart with him before, seeing that he's pretty much of a keep-to-himself person except in front of his best friends, but I knew this place was meaningful to him, and I was pleased to find out I was his first friend to go up the mountain with him.

The drive down was crazy, erratic, maniacal. Typical. Going 60mph down a winding mountain with no fences to secure the steep sides on a 15mph road = "it's freaking safe" -> according to him.

Went to Quickly, saw lots of Asians, drove to Tomatina to see one of his friends. I laughed at his awkward approach.

Laughed so much in the car ride back home. What a funny kid.

I can't wait for summer.

이대로 끝일까 봐

널 영영 잃을까 봐

점점 더 마음이 불안해저

너무 슬퍼저

정이 뭔지...

밉다가도 그리워

-다비치

THANK YOU GOD x 2

Sweeeeeeeeetttttttttttt :) :) :)

My current state:

GOD, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!

Not a huge milestone, but still something accomplished nevertheless.

HEHEHE;ALKSDJF;

Now 10234209+ more obstacles to overcome...

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like… smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages… It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” — Neil Gaiman

discovery kingdom, what?

To provide a remembrance of my eventful day:

Found out I forgot to bring my camera, made everyone sad.

Bus ride to Hercules.

Orchestra "Music in the Parks" performance at Hercules.

Flowers smelled horrible there.

Texted my friend to say that I was at her school.

Friend called me a few minutes later to say that she was driving by and saw me (what a stalker).

School = not as ghetto as I thought it would be.

Bus was highly air-conditioned, Victoria watched a movie on my iTouch, I slept.

Found out trying to sleep upright is very difficult.
Succumbed to sleeping on Victoria's shoulder.

Arrived at Discovery Kingdom!

Upon entrance, everybody went to buy a funnel cake.

Spent 9281374128 minutes waiting for Medusa.

Seating: Victoria -> Samantha -> Me -> Steven

Samantha screamed "like someone was murdering her," said Victoria.

Spent another 2374289374 minutes waiting for Roar.

Victoria had to go to the bathroom so I go with her.

Came back, and jumped the fence. At least, I did.

Victoria had trouble so Chris had to lift her over AHHAHAHALSKDJFL;ASDFJ.

Was awkward.

Riding Roar defined my friendship with Victoria. Pictures taken on the ride = hilarious.

The picture: Victoria and I holding hands tightly, her face was priceless. Hilarious.

My face just looked like I was in pain. Which is true, since I really WAS in pain.

Then we saw Elizabeth's face, which was even more priceless, and we all died laughing in front of the screen.

Steven & Chris bought more food. Everyone ate their food.

Steven & Chris bought drinks. Everyone drank their drinks.

Victoria and I pointed out random, typical Asian couples.

Victoria, Samantha, Elizabeth, Clara, Natalie, and I rode some kiddy Whale ride.

Samantha found out she lost her purple sunglasses.

I ran back to Roar and got the sunglasses from the workers.

Became a savior to Samantha. And a beloved hero to onlookers.

Then we went on the swing ride (my favorite!!!!).

Steven spent about $50+ on food for me and kept trying to pay $1 to Clara for each time she had to hold onto our stuff.

Walked around, random boy and girl were bickering over how to pronounce "cello," which was written on the back of my shirt.

Awards ceremony!

Freezing so we took Steven's jacket and wore it and looked like Siamese twins. Another "this-defines-our-friendship" moment.

School beasts it up and gets first for both band and orchestra.

Bus ride home- watched an episode of Big Bang Theory on Steven's Zune, then listened to some Aerosmith, random rock music, etc.

Fell asleep until we arrived at school.

Dead tired.

언제부터 어디부터 멀어진건지
분명히 어제까진 날 사랑했는데

오늘 헤어졌어요 우리 헤어졌어요
내 마음 알 것 같다면 옆에서 같이 울어줘요
나는 안되나봐요 역시 아닌가봐요
얼마나 더 울어야 제대로 사랑할까요

참좋았어 너무 좋아서 더 아프죠
사랑에 또 속은 내가 미워

-윤하

God...where are You?

I'm lost, and I'm scared.

Haha.

Constant thought #3

I always wonder about what life would be like if someone invented floating cars that ran on water, and if we would need traffic lights and other signals up in the sky as well.

Then my thoughts go off on a tangent and I start to wonder what would happen if someone figured out a way to use salt water to lubricate the car engine instead of using oil.

Yeah, I have no idea where I get these thoughts in the first place.

Characterized by constant capriciousness, we people are known to constantly flit from dwelling remorsefully in the past to looking solely towards the future, since we already find ourselves dealing with the present. This, as one may expect, causes our present lives to be muddled. Living in the memories of the past acts as quicksand, making it invariably difficult to move forward and seek new opportunities. Looking too far ahead into the future however, also has its downfalls, as doing so acts as a leash around our necks, dragging us at an incredulous speed. This is ultimately one of the components to the overwhelming feeling we all get when constricted with worry and stress.

What's most frustrating is that there's no one to blame.
We're shackled to our own misery.

Minimalism.

The moment when you realize that people do care for you, that people are willing to hear your musings and maybe just nonsensical things you have to say when the feeling of precariousness has already overcome you...that's when you feel so relieved, so unencumbered, so liberated.

If this isn't a nuanced form of happiness, I don't know what is.

Constant thought #2

I wish I was a billionaire so I could take all the hobos on the streets of San Francisco,

and take them to a sauna, the beauty salon, and the mall.

I thought about this when I was in the shower one morning, about half a year ago, and this thought has popped up at unsuspecting moments ever since then.

...I don't get how my thoughts can be so random.

Constant thought #1

Just thoughts I've constantly thought about out of the blue...

I wonder if God will prolong my life so it's abnormally long...

because I've noticed the ones that love this world end up dying young

and the ones that don't just suffer here

for

such

a

long

time

Not alone.