Wednesday, October 21, 2009
It's always all or nothing.
One thing goes all wrong and the next thing you know, it just unleashes everything- but one at a time, so the pain lingers and restarts. Lingers. And restarts. It's never one thing that makes a mess of you. It becomes endless, like knocking over a trail of dominoes. And then that pain becomes so bad you cry. You cry because it feels like a hundred daggers reached for your heart and tore away at it, piece by piece. Now Hurt takes on another form and it becomes Thought. Unwanted thoughts shove their way to the center of it all and has its turn to stab you in all the right places where it makes you ache and gasp for breath as the tears stream down your face. You start hating yourself so much that it exceeds the other hate you received from the others around you. You start drowning in not only your tears but now your regret. Maybe it'll get better, you think. Maybe it'll get better. You struggle to survive through the Hell your Mind takes you. First it's self-hate and remorse. Now it's desperation and hopelessness. Next is blind anger and rage. This is when the physical pain starts, the rips, the blood, the bruises. You become uncontrollable and you almost scare yourself to the point of insanity. You start thinking crazy thoughts, and you hurt inside and out, and you cry, you have never felt so alone. Fatigue fills you up, and the exhaustion takes over. You fall down on the floor, and you take a few collected breaths. You tell yourself to calm down and you tell yourself everything is going to be okay. Serenity enters your body and you feel better almost immediately. But guess what. It's not over. It never is. And this is the point of thinking too much. This is life.
One thing goes all wrong and the next thing you know, it just unleashes everything- but one at a time, so the pain lingers and restarts. Lingers. And restarts. It's never one thing that makes a mess of you. It becomes endless, like knocking over a trail of dominoes. And then that pain becomes so bad you cry. You cry because it feels like a hundred daggers reached for your heart and tore away at it, piece by piece. Now Hurt takes on another form and it becomes Thought. Unwanted thoughts shove their way to the center of it all and has its turn to stab you in all the right places where it makes you ache and gasp for breath as the tears stream down your face. You start hating yourself so much that it exceeds the other hate you received from the others around you. You start drowning in not only your tears but now your regret. Maybe it'll get better, you think. Maybe it'll get better. You struggle to survive through the Hell your Mind takes you. First it's self-hate and remorse. Now it's desperation and hopelessness. Next is blind anger and rage. This is when the physical pain starts, the rips, the blood, the bruises. You become uncontrollable and you almost scare yourself to the point of insanity. You start thinking crazy thoughts, and you hurt inside and out, and you cry, you have never felt so alone. Fatigue fills you up, and the exhaustion takes over. You fall down on the floor, and you take a few collected breaths. You tell yourself to calm down and you tell yourself everything is going to be okay. Serenity enters your body and you feel better almost immediately. But guess what. It's not over. It never is. And this is the point of thinking too much. This is life.
Monday, October 5, 2009
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