Is there anyone out there like me?
That thinks like me?

These distorted visions, these enigmatic patterns; it makes me spiral down to insanity.

Does anyone else cry because they're so frustrated and tormented by the fact they don't know what their purpose of living is?

Doesn't anyone else feel like they're being dragged by a rope, ripped across a bed of jagged broken rocks, because they don't know what the future is going to be like?

Doesn't anyone else feel overwhelmed at the fact nobody in this world knows for what reason we're on this planet, in this world full of opposites, of misunderstandings?

Doesn't anyone else feel the things I feel, see the things I see it......?

Doesn't anyone else feel like they're being ripped apart in minute pieces, like an interminable thing eating away from their insides, ......................................
......................................
Why the hell do people live this mundane lifestyle, like automatons?

I get so confused at how bovine we all act, like stupid animals dancing towards our own diminution without even realizing it.

Today, today.

I feel desperately in need of death to come whisk me away before I go approach it first.

Today, today.

Every day seems like a countdown for me.

I am so tired of everything.

Don't try to be what you're not.

I find raw humor in the fact we try so hard to be independent and unique, but we end up being all the more same.

---
It makes me so sad I don't find the thrill of living anymore. I laugh, I smile, I'm a bubbly person to all. But those fleeting moments of happiness don't make up my life. In fact, I hate putting up a happy front. I smile for no reason, find perfectly normal things funny, find funny things funnier, find everything in life funny. But it's not who I truly am. I'm not what people think I am. I'm nothing at all of what people view me as.

I became this way because this is what I ever prayed about.
What I ever wished about.
11:11, birthday wishes, wishing upon a star, praying.
The only thing I ever prayed or wished about was to be happy. Simple as that.
Someone should have told me sooner that you have to be careful about what you wish for.
This faux happiness does not make me happy.

I feel so anti-social nowadays. It's uncomfortable now to be among friends I used to be so close with. There are a few I am still close with, but it's only about one or two people.

I truly...Truly....all I want to do is be silent and be alone somewhere. Or maybe with a few people I love with all my heart. The only thing in my way is the fact I know people are going to judge me, and shy away from me. Why I feel this constant strive to make others happy, I do not know. I need to make myself happy first. I'm so sick and tired [very cliche, I know] of the things that I am used to. Where can I find myself? I think after living in a life full of lies for so long, I've forgotten who I am, and this mask I hide behind has finally overcome my true self.

---
Broken things are still parts of something.

Time.

The present will soon become abstract, but the future does not remain abstract for long.

Fixed.

Even broken clocks are right twice a day.

Hurting is living.

Sometimes..there are those days when everything goes wrong, that one person says something to you that makes you feel so horribly devastated, even if it was something extremely trivial.
Then all you want to do is snuggle up in a soft blanket and grasp a hot cup of cocoa in your hands and watch some sad love story and cry your eyeballs out and listen to light melodies of some music that could fit perfectly as background music for a drama.

Hm...

I wonder when Valentine's Day will actually have a substantial meaning for me