No regrets.

The funeral yesterday was so hard to bear and depressing beyond belief.
Of course, what else could I have expected?
But I swore to myself I wouldn't cry; after all, I didn't even know Richard that well.
I felt like I would be out of place, crying and mourning for him when in truth, it wasn't that big of a loss to me.
However, when the slideshow came up and the hundreds of both Asian and Caucasian friends and acquaintances of Richard's started sobbing, I couldn't help but feel such extreme compassion for him.
When Richard's older brother Steve began the eulogy after the slideshow, his words were difficult to bear, even for a nonchalant person. His words were so powerful and created such an impact, I don't think I'll ever forget them for a long time.
"That was the saddest thing I've ever seen," were his first words.
People half cried and half laughed when Steve said that.
But his next words were so much more painful, as Steve, a huge, 6'5" grown man that could pass as a leader of a gang with his pierced ears, thick and short neck, and his gelled hair, said in a choked voice, "I was such a bad brother."
His voice cracked at the last word, and everyone started sobbing hysterically.
"As you could see from the pictures, Richard and I were best friends. But in middle school, when hanging out with the 'popular group' was the big thing, we slowly drifted apart. Then the most difficult hardships piled after another for me. First, my grandmother died, whom I had seen every day of my life. She had always been there for me and then she was just gone. Then, my best friend got stabbed to death. Now my baby brother..."
At these words, there wasn't a single person in the room crying loudly, even myself. What hurt most, I think, was when Steve shook and kept wiping the tears off his face, as he tried to regain his composure.
"Now...now I won't be able to have Richard to fight over small things with; he won't ever be my best man at my wedding; I"ll never be able to be the uncle of his kids...my baby brother....my baby brother."
His voice started to falter as he said his next words. "I know...Richard would rather die than to see this many people cry for him. He'd want us to smile and laugh, and this would kill him if he saw this many people in pain for him. I know he's watching us. I know he will be here with us all the time. I miss you so much. I love you baby brother."
After Steve walked down, there was a moment of silence as everyone cried silently, thinking about Richard. A few others said their eulogy for him, and after prayer ended, we all went in line to see Richard, who was in an open casket. To see a dead person for the first time, I was really unprepared.
But when I saw Richard, he looked just like how other people described the deceased.
Tranquil, with no expression, just as if they were sleeping.
I couldn't help but wonder how I would feel if someone really close to me died suddenly.

If it was this hard to bear for someone I barely knew, I didn't want to think about how I would end up like if it was someone that was special to me.
I guess this was sort of a wake-up call to show everyone how most things are taken for granted when in reality we should be glad we can still take a breath of air.
This really opened my eyes up and it made me realize: show the people you love you care; make someone's day amazing; really, live life like there's no tomorrow because you never know when your life might just unexpectedly end.
Before it's too late and there's no going back.