Devon. Devon. Devon. The cute 7th grade girl that was in my orchestra when I was in 8th grade at Diablo Vista.
The one with the kind blue eyes and the long brown hair. The one I would play silly duets with. The one I'd sometimes complain to about how Mrs. Edington sucked at teaching.
The one that always made someone feel good about themselves.
The one I haven't seen since I graduated from middle school.
But with a pang in my heart, I found out today I won't ever see her again.
And my falling tears won't help in bringing her back either.
Suicide.
What is the thing about it that makes people so attracted to it?
I can only imagine the pain of her mother, when she called Devon down for dinner and she never got a response on that fateful day. Telling Devon's little brother to go get his sister and he- the innocent brother- stumbling across his dead sister hanging from her bunk bed.
Death truly is painful.
But like the stories say, life goes on.
The sun still shines. The wind still blows. People still laugh. People still smile.
Just like nothing has gone wrong.
When I first heard this today...just an hour ago, I couldn't believe it at first.
I didn't even remember her at first.
My friend asked if I knew Devon Marvin.
Who?
Devon Marvin, a girl from Diablo Vista, an 8th grader.
Uh. No. Why?
She committed suicide.
Oh. Really? And she's an 8th grader?
Yeah. She was in orchestra and had long brown hair and blue eyes and freckles.
Wait. Orchestra?
Yeah.
Devon?
I heard she played piano or something.
Devon! She played violin too. No. No way. Are you kidding?
No. I'm not. I heard she committed suicide over the weekend.
Oh. My. God.
I couldn't believe it. How could I? I've never experienced a death of someone that close.
I didn't believe it. My hands shook like I had schizophrenia. I never did understand why in the books they said that their hands shook. But I know now.
With shaking hands I called my little 8th grade friends. But none picked up.
And my friend finally called Devon's ex-boyfriend and he confirmed it was true.
I still can't believe it. And my heart aches.
And I can't stop thinking about the memories I had with her, and the Disneyland orchestra trip I went with her.
The picture I took of her, Heidi, Natalie, and Victoria.
The picture I still have.
All of them squinting up at the sun and trying to look at the glare of the sun reflecting off my camera's lenses.
Natalie, displaying some sort of grimace.
Victoria, closing her eyes and scrunching up her face.
Devon, smiling prettily.
Heidi, managing to also smile even with the glare.
Devon, smiling prettily.
Devon, smiling.
Smiling.
Devon.
This was my favorite picture.
And I don't think I can ever look at it again without pain inside me.
And I can't stop wishing to God, please don't put her in Hell. Please, don't.
She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't.
She didn't even deserve to end like this.
Rest in peace Devon Marvin<3.
